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[Susquehanna]

Set about three days after Hanna hears the news from Svara. Ugh, emo Hanna is difficult but museful.

Her red-rimmed eyes were turned upward, gazing at the statue that marked the boundary of Dahlia de Mai. It was early morning, the rising sun reflecting off the face of the Virgin that had so captivated herself and another that she knew. It was he that had brought her here, though he was unaware of this fact. Likely he was very blissfully unaware, sleeping -- or not, she thought wryly -- with his arms around his love. It was funny. The more she said it to herself, the more it hurt, having the man she'd just come to realize she adored choosing another. She'd thought perhaps things would get better in time, and perhaps they would, but now it just plain hurt.

She'd woken much earlier, taken down the bearskin and folded it carefully, and then placed it so she could wriggle underneath while in her four-legged form. It was soft and smelled of smoke. Originally she'd planned to leave it at the cabin so Slay would have a soft place to sleep when and if he visited. Now it seemed he would get more use out of it here in the pack, and so she'd elected to bring it to him. And to tell him exactly how she felt. No sense in putting it off now that he was in the relationship; he should know what she was feeling.

So she'd shifted into her four-legged form, leaving her packs and all other pretense of business at home, only Tobias following out of worry. She'd gathered the skin carefully onto her back and trudged to the cemetery, but there she'd stopped, realizing she didn't know where she was going. Little did she know he was not far from her melancholy thoughts. She tipped her head back and let go a mournful howl, really aimed at no one, and then whispered to herself. "Why?"

[Slaying the Dreamer]

ooc: Suddenly I have a lot of threads to reply to. ^^; aww, so sad! I've got soul but I'm not a soldier It had been a sleepless night for him - not uncommon, since he had difficulty sleeping with a schedule, but it left him feeling restless nonetheless. Slay decided to make a run of the borders, since he hadn't wandered in a little while. The day at the beach, the fright with Ril'o, had mostly left his thoughts, now that he knew the youth would be okay. He still wondered why Hanna had been so close, though. Her cabin was further down the beach than they had been - he doubted even his foghorn of a howl could carry into the unclaimed lands. Had she been coming to visit? He had forgotten to ask. With these musings on his mind, he circled the snow-white fields, watching the pawprint trails of others crossing about. There was the occasional visitor that crossed their borders, and the surprising influx of wolves that had swelled their ranks to the point that Cercelee had forbidden any new joiners, a rare stipulation for the hospitable wolf... his new mate. The thought brought a smile to his face, although things weren't perfect in paradise. With all the new members and the drama they were stirring up between each other, Slay hadn't seen much of his mischievous partner in the past few days. Before, her absences and his laziness hadn't mattered; now he was painfully aware of when they were apart, and how lonely it was. The arctic wolf approached the decrepit cemetery, his old haunt. The familiar form of the statue was dusted with snow and a few icicles. The last time he had seen the benevolent stone lady had been right after the big argument, when he met up with Hanna. The memory was a pleasant one, since he hadn't realized how much their thoughts ran in common. A second and third time since then their paths had crossed again, but he wasn't expecting the fourth that was about to unfold. As he passed the first few tombstones, he heard the howl, startlingly close. Still drowsy from his all-nighter, he hadn't been paying much attention to the scents around him, to realize that he was not alone. "...Hanna, is that you under there?" he called, a worried smile on his whiskery muzzle. The bear pelt hid most of her black fur, but he heard the sadness in her cry. "What brings you here?"

[Susquehanna]

Just as he'd not been aware of her presence, she'd been unaware of his, and she nearly leaped out of her skin to hear the warm voice behind her. She whirled, very nearly dislodging the gift from her back, having to move a different way to catch the fur. A flap of it landed on her face, covering up her green eye, and she gazed at her crush from a different angle from the icy blue orb. Her tail whisked back and forth in greeting, an unbidden smile crossing her face. Could she really do this?

Yes. She had to. She owed it to herself to come clean to him, to let him know how she felt about him. Maybe it wouldn't change anything, but she still needed it off her chest. She needed him to be aware of the fact, even if it hurt her to do so. The medic only hoped that it wouldn't ruin his happiness.

"Slay! Yeah, it's me. I brought you a present... for your mateship. You won't be needing it at the cabin, but you and Cer might get some use out of it." It was a struggle not to let her voice crack, but she didn't want him to see what she was feeling. Not yet, anyway. "It's the pelt from the bear that attacked Svara. It should be soft and warm." Her tail whisked side to side, pausing at the center mark indecisively. "I have another reason for coming though, something to tell you." There, she'd started it, now she had to finish it.

[Slaying the Dreamer]

ooc: I've got soul but I'm not a soldier Slay snorted in amusement as Hanna started; the heavy bearskin flopping over her face as she whirled about. She explained as quickly as she could, her tail waving a pleasant rhythm behind her. "Aw, you didn't have to do that, Hanna," Slay rumbled, pleased by the gesture. "You're on all fours, though - wouldn't it have been easier to carry as a two-legger?" Slay tilted his skull curiously, beginning to realize that this was a more poignant gesture than he had first assumed. Tanning a hide, especially one of this size, must have taken considerable time and effort - why give it away afterwards? No one else had offered more than their congratulations at the news of their mateship, and even then, it was more out of deference to the Rosea in charge. Why... was Hanna going so out of her way? A sinking feeling twisted in the pit of his stomach as he saw up close how the dark-furred wolf had weary red around her visible eye, how her voice seemed a little strained when she spoke the simple words. "My dear, what's bothering you? What's wrong?" He leaned in close, looming over her with concern etched into his countenance. He hadn't said something to upset her, had he?

[Susquehanna]

He was so close to her now, hovering near, doubtless seeing the coloring around her eyes, obviously concerned now. Her entire body flushed with warmth from his nearness, and it took all she had in her from taking the final step that would put them together in an embrace. She could feel his breath on her cheek. Her eyes studied his black and white face, his brilliantly blue eyes, the way the sun made a halo around his head as it rose above the horizon. And she just couldn't shake the feeling.

Sensing that if she didn't say something soon, it would only worry him more, Hanna made an effort to talk, though it took more than a couple clearings of her throat before she could make the sounds form. She was more than aware that if he felt the same way she did, it could potentially break up an otherwise happy mateship, though she didn't know quite whether it would happen all at once or bit by bit, or really if it would break it up at all. The possibilities formed and swirled in her mind and made her more than a little nervous.

"Slay... this is so difficult for me to say. I've been sitting on it for a little while, trying to decide what to do. I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable, but.. I need to say this." Her eyes filled with tears again, and this time she allowed herself to lean into him, her jaw on his neck, hugging him near. "Slay, I really like you.. as more than a friend. I... think.... I'm pretty sure that.. I love you." A frog formed in her throat as the tears spilled over, closing off any further sentiment for the moment, and little butterflies looped and swirled in her stomach as she nervously waited to see how he'd respond.

[Slaying the Dreamer]

ooc: So sorry for the wait, hun! All of a sudden I'm behind on all my threads... Dx I've got soul but I'm not a soldier Susquehanna had never looked so delicate before, the light of the sunrise slowly washing her charcoal-black fur in warm pinks and dusty oranges. She cleared her throat awkwardly, several times, the self-doubt evident in her searching gaze. Slay remained still, impassive, his pale eyes concerned but patient. He knew by now what she was going to say, and he would let her say everything she needed to before he would reply. Still... seeing the tears welling up in her green and blue eyes hurt him more than he could have imagined. He absolutely loathed the thought that he had caused her pain, for who knows how long? And she was such a strong woman, he would never have known if she hadn't worked up the courage to tell him. "...Oh, Hanna..." he breathed softly, sadly, as she leaned into his thick ruff, seeming so small now against his girth. He swallowed hard, hating himself for what he had to do now, and let his chin settle onto her slender withers, the pungent bear fur entwining his muzzle. "I... This is difficult for me to say, too, and please don't get upset... I feel very close to you, especially since these past few days. You've become a fast friend, Hanna, and I really value the time we share." He inhaled deeply, trying to steady his husky voice. He had never done anything like this before. For four long years, he had gone without anyone developing any kind of serious feelings for him, and now that he had finally settled into pack life, everything was crashing down around him. He had a mate now. There was no way he could leave her for Hanna, as much as he didn't want to break her heart. Hanna had left the pack, those moons ago, and had she stayed, this would have been an even harder decision. But she had already made up her mind to live as a loner, or to someday join a different pack; and Slay had made up his mind to stay. "...I'm sorry, Hanna. It would be better if you could forget about me... because to me, you are a friend... and nothing more. I love my mate." He knew how harsh the words were, and he immediately regretted that he could not soften the blow in any way. But it was true, and if she had started crying before he said anything, then she already knew it.

[Susquehanna]

Ugh, it's crap compared to yours, but it was hard to write. :( Apologies for the wait.

She knew what he was going to say. She expected it, had expected it since she began. But of course, that didn't make it any better when he delivered the verdict. She was glad, in a way that he didn't yank away from her, pull away and look at her like she was a mutant alien as he could have done. He advised her to move on and forget about him, and she nodded silently, then shook her head at him.

"I'd never forget about you Slay. I will get over this someday, but I won't forget about you completely. I can't." Her voice was back to a slight whisper. She didn't move, besides for breathing, knowing deep down that this was probably the last time she would ever be this close to him again unless he needed medical care, and not liking that one bit.

[Slaying the Dreamer]

ooc: Uwaa, you must hate me for being so slowww... ;__; This can be my last post if you want to finish. I've got soul but I'm not a soldier She didn't move away, despite his words. Her breath was so shallow, he almost couldn't hear her soft exhalation, feel the slight shifting of her slender body as she pressed against his side. Why is it, Slay wondered, staring blankly up at the early-morning sky, that now I'm the one who feels like crying? His pale eyes were devoid of feeling, blocking out the turmoil he felt within. He had spoken the truth. The simple, painful truth - Hanna was his friend, and even if he tried, he really couldn't imagine the two of them in a romantic situation. Of all the wolves in these lands, why on earth had Hanna chosen him? He was an idiot, socially inept and physically clumsy, unattractive, the list dragged on... She could do so much better for herself. Anyone could do better than him. Shutting his eyes and sighing heavily, he lifted his chin from its perch atop her shoulders. "...Please," he murmured pleadingly, taking a step backwards. He had lost one of the only friends he had. He couldn't visit her cabin now, or cheerfully ask for her aid, or any of that. It would be too awkward, after she had bared her soul to him, and he had rejected her. What courage it must have taken, he thought bitterly. She had always been braver than him. "You're really better off without me. Meet someone else who deserves you." He did not move to take the bearskin. Somehow, despite her kind intentions, he would never feel right with that constant reminder in his den. It was a sweet gesture... but he was too miserable to accept.

[Susquehanna]

I had this written up, I know I did. Who knows where it went from there, but I know I wrote it once. PS: I don't hate youuu!

She nodded again, fighting to keep her tears at bay. He'd made his decision, and she didn't begrudge him that. The sulky part of her wished to hate Cercelee but her more mature side refused to despise the Rosea for something that was so beyond choice. It was not, after all, a simple, idle decision to enter into mateship. There had been something brewing long before Hanna had even realized she cared for Slay in that way, and who was she to wish that broken? So she nodded, blinked away the tears, unable to do anything else.

"I'm sorry, Slay. I should not have done this to you, should not have put you through this. Take this, or give it to Svara, whichever. I'm sorry." Her words sounded harsh in her ears though they were not spoken so, and she realized as she swiftly bowed out from underneath the fur that it was her criticizing herself. She wheeled about and took off out of the boundaries blindly, waiting for a long moment before she let the tears start falling.